God recently brought an older woman into my life who has taught me many things, but the thing I like most about her is that she shuts down gossip. I’ve seen her presented with an easy opportunity to be negative, complain, or vent and she never takes the bait. She will give a quick, positive reply and that’s it. Not only does she not gossip herself, she shuts it down around her.
When you work in the same preschool room as her, attend the same event, sit at her table, or even eat a meal in her home, she elevates the level of conversation around her. Negativity, criticism, and gossip shrivel up and die in her presence. You feel safe walking away when she’s in the group of ladies because you know she will shut down any negativity that would try to creep up.
In our church, she has a reputation as a gossip-slayer.
I’ve met other women who have the opposite reputations: women who are known as gossips. Maybe they have a smile and and a friendly facade, but they also have itching tongues that feed off spreading a good story with a negative slant. There are women I’ve been warned never to trust. Like you, there are women I regret trusting.
The Lord knows I’d like to pat myself on the back and claim to be like my friend, but honestly, too often I drift too dangerously close to the second kind of woman. If I’m not intentional about my own tendency to gossip, I’ll fall into it every time. Not only do I not want to gossip myself, I want to shut it down around me.
Here are questions I ask myself to avoid gossip:
- Am I a woman who shuts down gossip?
- When younger women watch me, will they learn how to kill gossip?
- When I have juicy news, who am I tempted to dump the story on?
- Are my close friends critical and gossipy?
- Do I recognize the holy spirit’s conviction when I cross the line of conversation into gossip?
We need to model this one well for the younger generation. For me this usually means three things:
- Pray before: I take a couple minutes before the lunch, playdate, or meeting to ask God to guard my giant mouth. I ask God, in my attempts to grow friendships, listen to “prayer request” or empathize with people, let me not gossip (Psalm 141:3). Even when I see that person’s incoming call on my phone, I pray that I would not gossip when I talk to her.
- Pray during: The holy spirit will check me when the conversation veers in a gossipy direction. In the moment, I pray the Lord would let my replies, advice, and encouragement be pure.
- Pray after: This usually means repenting for not following step two. Repenting and acknowledging when I gossip is crucial to stopping it.
Really, Jen, “pray about it” are your solutions? Yep. As someone who likes to talk a lot, I need my words completely filtered through the cross. For me, that doesn’t happen by “trying more”, but only through “dying more.” I want to prize Christ more than any instant connection with a friend. Prayer is the only effective covering I’ve found that will seal up my words to be beautiful for Christ.
God is able to make us gossip slayers, but we have to be intentional or we will drift into this sin every time. To those veteran gossip slayers, thank you on behalf of your family, your friends, and the entire body of Christ. You are making mighty kingdom impact. Do you know a gossip-slayer? Thank her and spend time with her this month.